Not sure if anyone has read Yumi’s Cells, but if you haven’t, I highly recommend it. It’s a web comic about Yumi’s inner thoughts as told through various cell function, such as an emotional cell, a naughty cell, and a rational cell.
So, why did I bring this up?
Well, Yumi has a cell called the Love Cell, which controls her desire to love someone romantically. This Love Cell has, in many chapters, been the primary driver of Yumi’s adult life. So much so that it became her Prime Cell, which is the cell that has the last word among the cells in her head. At one point, her Love Cell disappeared, and she had to rebuild herself once again to find another Prime Cell – one that leads her to her ultimate goal: to be a writer.
In my case, I felt that my Love Cell had vanished in 2019 following a terrible incident with my then-boyfriend. Despite being with him for 7 years and trying to make a long-distance relationship work for 6 years, he had the audacity to not only cheat on me and get engaged and married to someone all while still being my boyfriend. But, hey, I guess you never really know a wolf in sheep’s clothing. I’ll spare the details, but I just wanted to say that I’m glad I got out of a toxic relationship with the wrong person.
In that moment, I thought my life shattered since I felt that a lot of my motivations then were also driven by love. But slowly, like Yumi, I decided to see the forest among the trees.
When I thought that life was getting better, I received terrible news once again.
My cat of 14 years passed away.
It was the most heartbreaking news that I received! Esteban, who was like my second little brother, passed away due to old age and health complications. I still cherished those 30 last minutes we spent together, where I kept calling him a good boy and his half-conscious body still responded to my sweet talk. But at this point, my wounds from the previous incident has not fully healed and this incident opened up a new can of worms.
I was so angry with life. I can’t believe so many terrible things have happened in the span of weeks. I wanted to
With each passing day since these two traumatic life experiences, I tried to find a way to heal. Some days, I felt as though I took 10 steps forward, but there are also days where I felt like I took 20 steps back. “What the hell?” I would ask myself when I felt like I did not see any progress being made.
Luckily, my family, friends, and therapist became the ones that pulled me out of those dark days and help me see the light in living once again.
Funny enough, I wanted people to feel sorry for me. I wanted to feel like a wounded kitten whose family left her in the dirty ditch. Over time, I got tired of being my own pity party, and I decided to try and be my own champion.
My family decided to encourage me to apply for Master’s now that there’s nothing holding me back. My friends decided to bring me out to have new experiences as a newly independent person. I became more open to try new experiences, from travelling in Thailand and Laos Tiffany and Kimberly, respectively, to learning more about Malaysian student life at Teach For Malaysia.
My second half of 2019 was filled with these new experiences that allowed me me grow and see that there is life after traumatic events. One of the main highlights of last year was the amount of travel that I was able to do.
In TFM alone, I had the chance of travelling to Johor and Semporna to help out with the events there. It was a different experience hearing from the Fellows and students who are not situated in the Klang Valley region and how different their experiences are. It made me realize how much I love connecting with young students, and it reignited my passion to work in development.
In my own personal life, I was able to travel with my two best friends who I considered as my sisters. Tiffany flew all the way from Washington, DC to be with me for two weeks. In those two weeks, we travelled around KL, Chiang Mai, Bangkok, and Penang – filling our stomachs with food and our hearts with laughter and memories. For the first time since 2019, I felt that a part of my DC self was found once again when Tiffany came to visit. It was as if the months spent apart was erased and we were just back to being our silly selves.
Similarly, I travelled with Kimberly to Vientiane and Luang Prabang. Now Kimberly is my best friend of more than two decades. I thought I lost her when we both drifted apart during our teen and young adult life. However, we found each other again in 2018 when she gave me the idea to come back home. Yes, though I said that I came back home for a guy, it was this lady who encouraged me to really ask deep down what the type of experience that I wanted to get. Looking back, I’m glad I came back home because I was able to be closer to Kimberly and take back all those years of stunted friendship.
I even had the chance of seeing Gloria in Singapore twice this year and remembered those moments in DC where we would hang out for long periods and just talk.
Overall, the latter half of 2019 reminded me that there is more to life than just a romantic relationship. The relationship cultivated from my family and friends are stronger and much more important, and it will be a lesson that I’ll cherish forever.
Now, I am in the beginning of my adulthood, my mid to late 20s. During this time, my parents were already hitched and had two children. Me, I’m still single and figuring out my future. Haha.
Aside from strengthening my friendships, I also decided to explore what it means to find a romantic relationship once again. I decided to open my heart up to the possibility of “love,” or whatever that means.
There is one possibility slowly in the mix, but I’m not sure that this person feels this way. But, whatever it is, I’m taking this new dating thing in stride as I navigate the perils of adulthood and figuring shit out.
Till then, this is a long post with no real ending. But hey, it’s my blog so whatever.
Red Time Period 